Two Years Post Op

I went for my two year post op for WLS today. It was such an encouraging time to be with the nurses that have helped me for the last couple of years.  They were so supportive and friendly. As we talked about what was happening and finding out what was working and what I needed to tweak it dawned on me that these people are like family to me.  The relationship I have with them is more than them just doing their job.  They really do want to see me succeed and they are willing to help me if they can.
Yes the staff are willing to help me succeed but there is only so much that They can do.  You see they can help me to understand what I need to be doing and how it will benefit me.  They can give me advice on how I should be eating and what exercises I should be doing and all of the stuff I know that I should be doing.  The reality is that even though they are all so helpful this journey is my journey and no one can walk it for me.  I must walk this journey on my own.  You may be able to walk with me for awhile but in the end I must stay on the path that is before me without getting off of it.  If I venture off of the path it can be a scary dark place to be.  You see the support team is along the path not out in the forest.
I have a tool to help me in this journey and that is all it is.  It is not a magic cure all that will fix my weight and make me stop eating.  No this tool cannot make me eat properly. This tool can't even make do what I know I should be doing.  No this is a tool and it can do nothing on it's own.  As with any tool the person using it must know the proper way to use it.  If I have a screw driver I cannot use it as a hammer (OK so I have tried and it worked for a short time but it eventually was damaged).  The point is I must use this tool in the way it was meant to be used.  If I leave my tool on the shelf it will do me no good.  If I do not use my tool as it was intended to be used it will not do me any good in the long run.  It may benefit me in the short term but I will damage it and in the long run it will be useless or need repaired.  So what will I be doing with my tool for the next year?  I will use it as it is intended to be used.  I will recognize that it is only a tool and without me it is useless.  I will take care of my tool and give it the respect it deserves.  Yes I will take care of my tool but more than that I will use my tool.  I will work hard on my journey and use the tool that has been given tome.  I will enjoy the company and support I come across on this path but I will remember that I am the only one who can walk this journey.

Let The Fireworks Begin!

I took a trip to Hemet California to watch my niece graduate from Tahquitz High School.  The graduation was fun and very festive.  Not at all like the 6 I have been through with my own children.  I noticed that the kids could choose their seats and sit by their friends instead of sitting alphabetically.  Each graduate gave a card to the reader with their name spelled phonetically on it.
This graduation ceremony was a time to celebrate the students achievements and it was so festive with fireworks at the end.  The spectators and graduates alike were encouraged to clap and hoot and holler as the graduates received their diploma's.  Some of the students danced their way to the platform and back to their seats again.  No one minded that each one of the graduates celebrated in their own way and as a whole they made up the entire graduating class.
I wonder how many times in our weight loss journeys we try to make everyone line up alphabetically so to speak so that everything goes according to plan.  Seriously would this journey not be so much more fun if we could just be with our friends and celebrate it the way that fits our friends and our own personalities.
I think that I came away from that graduation ceremony with a determination to stop trying to fit everyone into the preconceived ceremony that has been the past and to start a new tradition.  A tradition of celebrating each and every achievement of this journey and to encourage everyone I come in contact with along the way to do the same thing.
This journey is not about the small failures along the way but it is about the graduation from our younger uneducated self to the educated graduate who is about to embark on the next journey.  Yes I have graduated from one program and have begun another.  I will celebrate my success in the way that is most my style and encourage others to do the same.
Go celebrate your success and let the fireworks begin!!

Sky Diving!!

As I look back tonight over the past year or so I can't help but think of how far I have come.   I have changed so much since September 14, 2010.  Yes I have lost over 80 pounds since my surgery but this is so much more than losing weight.  This is about the life that I now have.  This is about being able to do so much more.  This is about being healthy.  This is about being able to help other people to achieve what I have been so blessed to achieve.
I used to think that everything I can do now was for everyone else but me.  I used to think that I was just destined to be FAT.  Yes I was fat and there really is not way to get around it.  To call me obese or even morbidly obese just does not do it justice.  I know saying I was FAT is not politically correct but this is my life I am talking about and I don't have to be politically correct about myself.
This past December I did something I would have never thought I would do even if I had always been at a healthy weight.  You see I have always played it safe, stay out of the way, don't bring attention to myself, just hide out and hopefully no one will notice me.  
Well I am learning that I don't have to worry about hiding out and that it is alright and even good for me to get out of my comfort zone.  It is alright to try and it is also alright to fail.  You see I can't fail if I don't try.  I would rather try and fail now than play it safe and not try.  So this past December when I was on vacation I suggested we try something and do it.  Something that would take me so  far out of my comfort zone, that would take everything with in me to complete it.  I went sky diving for the first time. To my surprise I loved it.  It was so much fun and I dealt with one of my fears.  Yes I not only suggested that we sky dive but I actually enjoyed it.  
This is not about skydiving so much as it is about a new outlook on life.  You see I have finally realized that I can't fail if I don't try.  I will keep trying and if I fail I will just try harder.  Safety is no longer an option.  I must push forward and I must try.  I can no longer just stay in my comfort zone.  This last year and half have impacted not only my weight loss but my entire life.  There has been a shift in my spirit as well.  I am no longer sitting on the side lines watching every one else live life to its fullest, I am now living life to its fullest too.  It is a good place to be and I can't wait to see what the future hold for me.

Fill Time

To Fill or Not To Fill is always the question when it is time for a fill.  I am always in a state of turmoil when I have to make this decision.  It is like I have this great tool that is at my disposal to use but I am always afraid to use it.  Why do I struggle with it so much.  Why don't I just call and get the fill when I think I need it?  Why is it so hard every time?
I thought about this a lot this week because yesterday I went in for a fill. What I have realized is that each time I make the decision to have a fill I feel like a failure all over again.  All the same feelings that I had to deal with just to have WLS come flooding back.  I also am afraid that Deanna will tell me that I have maxed out on my band.  I am afraid that they will tell me I don't need a fill and not do it.  That I will be told if I would just follow the program I will do fine.
After talking to Deanna yesterday I realized that I am doing fine.  That I have followed the program and they are pleased with my progress. After my fill I was able to talk to some patients who are waiting to get approved by insurance for WLS.  I was able to answer their questions about my journey and encourage them to stick with it.  Talking to them made me realize that I am alright.  That I am not a failure and that I am doing well in my weight loss journey.  Yes it is a journey and there are successes and failures but each time I fail I just start all over again.  I have a made a lifetime commitment by having WLS and I am up for it.  Yes I will probably struggle with all these same things the next time I need a fill but I am hoping that with time and even more success it will get easier and I will stop beating myself up.
Let the Journey Continue!!

New Year-New Beginning

I managed to survive vacation and the holidays this year but it was a struggle and by the time 2012 began I had gained several pounds. I did fairly well on vacation but that was immediately followed by Christmas and all the cooking that goes along with it.  I gained a couple of pounds on vacation and a couple over Christmas followed by a couple over New Years.  I felt so out of control and I was in a panic, my worst fear seemed to be happening.  I was just sure I would gain all the weight back that I had lost.
I decided it was time to Go Back To Basics.  I took my WLS book out and went through it again. I went back and read the different levels and remembered that I had eaten accordingly and was satisfied.  I decided to start again and see what happened. I decided that I would start at Stage 4 (the final stage) and follow it.
I am on my second week and it is working. The weight is coming back off and I am feeling pretty good about myself.  I realize that I don't always make the best choices  with my food but this a journey and I am learning as I go.  I will not beat myself up anymore when I stumble in this journey.  I will not make excuses for myself and will take ownership of my choices.
Yes it is a new year and a new beginning, a time to start fresh, a time to make good choices, a time to choose  healthy living, a time to take care of myself, a time to be honest with myself and to move forward knowing I can do this.

Vacation

We just got back from vacation in Hawaii and my what a vacation it was.  So many things were so different from when we went five years ago.  I was so different from five years ago.  I was able to do things that I never would have been able to do the last time we were there.
To start I walked non stop this time.  I not only walked but I walked at a fast pace and never once had to stop and rest or catch my breath.  This time I was about 85 pounds lighter than I was in 2006 so there were so many doors opened for me to do fun things.
First thing that was different was I actually fit in the airplane seat and had room to spare.  It felt so good not to be hitting the arm rest and having room to move.
I rode a bicycle down a volcano from about 10,000 feet and never once got tired even on he uphill part.  I actually only had to worry about being tall enough and not the maximum weight limit.  I went snorkeling, and I was able to sky dive for the first time.
None of these things would have been possible before WLS because I would have been over the weight limit.
We went on a cruise this time and when we boarded the ship they told us that the average person gained 7-10 pounds.  My first thought was this person is not going to gain 7-10 pounds.  I was determined to eat healthy while on this ship!  Guess what I was in for a shock.  All this food it was wonderful, it tasted excellent but the problem was even though the food tasted great most of it was not healthy.  It was loaded with sauces, sugar, fats.  This was going to be more difficult than I had thought.  Well I managed to get off that ship after a week and only gained 2 pounds. Now  normally a two pound weight gain would throw me into a panic but under the circumstances I was pleased that I did as well as I did.  I did make the best selections I could and I was OK with myself.
I was however so glad to get back home and have the opportunity to be able to eat healthy again.

One Year Reflections

September 14, 2011 was my one year anniversary of my WLS.  So many things have happened in this past year that it is almost a blur.  I have officially lost 66 inches from my body and 75 pounds.  I have gone from a size 18/20 and 1X/2X to a size 4 and Small.  While the size differences are great it is not everything.  What has changed this past year?  What does the future hold?
What are the most important changes that have happened this past year.  Let me see.
1.   I am off All heart medications!
2.   I am off All Asthma medications!
3.   I no longer need steroid injections in my knee!
4.   My Blood Sugar Level is Normal!
5.   My Blood Pressure is Normal!!
6.   My Heart Rate is Normal!!!
7.   I have so much energy!
8.   I am more confident!
9.   I can run and play with my Grand Babies!!!!!
10. I am still the same person I was before WLS!!

This list could go on forever but I think these are the most important items for me.  If you note losing weight and inches was not in the top ten.  Now losing the weight and inches has been great and it has made the top 10 possible but it was never about getting a cute body and wearing smaller clothes.  This journey has always been about a better quality of life.  I so wanted to be able to get down on the floor and play with my grand babies and to run and play with them. I wanted to be able to be a part of the physical activities my husband wanted to do.  I longed for the day that I could just squat down and pray with a teen from my church without worrying about how I would get back up.  I wanted to be able to go on a walk with my family and not be struggling to breathe.
Knowing what I know now I would have done this years ago.  I am so thankful for this past year and for the team that God has put in my life.  I am so thankful for a supportive family.  Words can't even explain how I feel about the staff at Dr. Sloan's office who are there any time I need them.  They have made this past year possible because without them I would not have had the success I have.  You guys Rock!!
What does the next year hold?  I guess time will tell but I am so filled with hope for it that I look forward to it and can't wait to see how it all unfolds.  If this past year is any indication of what the future holds it is going to be a blast!!

The Clearance Rack

I read a post on Face Book yesterday that really has me doing some soul searching.  The post was about how we mark ourselves down and put ourselves on the clearance rack.  How we cheapen and devalue ourselves, we mark ourselves down and put ourselves on a rack at that back of the store with a big sign that says we are reduced for a quick sale.  We are telling the world that we are not worth what we once were and that we are really outdated and must be sold quickly to make room for the newer more modern.

 I had put myself on the Clearance Rack. I marked myself down whenever someone would say something unkind to me.  I marked myself down even further when I would gain weight.  I would mark myself down every time I perceived myself as failing at something or not living up to someone else’s expectations.  Eventually I had placed myself on the Final Clearance Rack.  Not only had I been reduced but I had placed myself at the farthest corner in the back of the store where only the serious bargain hunters go, looking for the items no one else wants and that is pretty much a giveaway. 

I have taken myself off of the Clearance Rack.  I have dusted myself off, straightened myself out and redone the packaging.  I am still the same person I was before but with the new packaging I no longer look like I need to be marked down and sold at a discount.  I have moved myself up to the front of the store and put myself in a Display Case where only the finest and most expensive items are put so that the discerning shopper may look at their beauty and inquire about what it would take to get the item. 

 I am still the same person I have always been the only difference is the packaging is different now.  Yes with this new packaging and a spot in the front of the store I will market myself differently and not sell myself short any longer.  I have removed the Clearance Rack from my life because I refuse to put myself or anyone else back on it again.

Take Your Medicine

Have you eve noticed how big some pills are.  I never noticed until yesterday just how big some antibiotic pills are.  I discovered during church that the upset stomach I thought I had the past few days was actually a bladder infection. If you have ever had one you know what I am talking about.  Now it is Sunday and I really did not want to go to the ER for a bladder infection but this was bad and getting worse quickly.  I remembered I had an infection about a year ago and that there was medicine left from when they changed it to something stronger.  I decided that I would take them and drink cranberry juice.  Out come the pills and I about passed out when I saw how big they were.  Not that swallowing them would be a problem but getting them through my band would be so I decided to cut them in half but it was still not small enough to pass through.  I cut the pill into fourths and began the process of swallowing each quarter of the pill.  Big surprise though you know that smooth coating on the pills well once you cut the pill like I did it doesn't work as well as when the pill is whole.  Yep each piece I took got stuck in the back of my throat and did not want to go down.  It took about 30 minutes to get that pill down.
I am happy to report that I am feeling better today overall but the pill was just as hard to get down today.  Next time I think I will just ask for the liquid version they give to kids.

Tools

I went for a fill this past Thursday and it was a fairly slow time at the clinic so I had a chance to talk in depth to several of the staff. It was a really good visit and I learned so much from all of them.  

Here is some of the stuff I learned.

•   First I learned that most people do not utilize the help that is available to them. 
• That a lot of patients disappear after having surgery.
•  That a good deal do not follow the plan that has proven to be successful. 
•  That I am rare to utilize the resources that are available. 
• Most bands are tighter in the morning making it more difficult to eat solid food.
• It is OK to not eat breakfast in the morning and to have a healthy snack around 10:30 or 11:00.
•  A lot of  banded patients eat more at night than they do in the earlier part of the day.
• The reason I am able to eat more at night than any other time of the day is everything is more relaxed and the food goes down easier.
• That Protein drinks are not recommended for Banded patients.
• Protein shakes are acceptable though if you are using them as a meal replacement when you can't eat solid food.
• Banded patients should avoid drinking any calories.
• The staff at Dr. Sloan's Weight Loss Clinic really do want to help and see each patient succeed in their weight loss.

This has me thinking.  You see I would not try to do laundry without the washing detergent nor would I try to drive my car without the alternator to keep the battery charged or with a check engine light.  You see almost all of us subconsciously make sure we have all the tools needed to see a  project through to the end.  Yet with our weight loss we ignore so many of the tools that are just waiting to be used by us.  We overlook the dietitians that are so eager to help us to get the proper nutrition.  We overlook the the nurses who are so willing to talk to us about our concerns about hair loss, or brittle nails, or so many other concerns we may have.  We overlook the trainers who are willing to help us start an exercise program that will work for us.  We overlook the doctor who is available to answer our questions and share in the thrill of our successes.  So many tools that are available to us we ignore and then wonder why it is we just can't seem to lose weight.  

I for one have decided to utilize the tools that are available to make it easier to get this job of losing weight, of living a healthy lifestyle done.  I refuse to let the tools that are ready to be used sit around unused any longer.  No I will continue to use the tools that our weight loss center has available.  Why use a screwdriver when a power driver will get the job done so much quicker and with less effort on my part?  

I do appreciate the tools that are available to help make this job easier to accomplish and I will use each one wisely.  Thanks to all you tools out there who make this  task seem not so big or hard!

  

Getting Stuck

Anyone who has been banded for any length of time knows what it is to get food stuck in their pouch because it just won't go through the opening.  Normally it is just a headache because you learn very quickly what you need to do to get it either down or back up. I know this sounds gross but you must do what it takes.

So how do I know when I have something stuck?  First thing I notice is the pain.  This is similar to an ice cream headache but much worse.  It starts  just at the top of my stomach and radiates to my back then up my shoulder to my head.  Worst pain I have ever felt and I have had 6 C-Sections.  Then the body starts creating mucus to try and help (it never helps by the way only complicates the problem).  Not too much of an issue if I am at home but if I am out in public with friends it becomes an issue.  I have to quickly excuse myself from the table and head to the nearest bathroom.  One sure way to get this taken care of is to take a drink of something and pray I get to the bathroom before it starts coming back up.  It never ceases to amaze me that once the offending piece of food (usually meat) is out life returns to normal almost instantly.  
So how does one get food stuck anyway?  Usually I am talking and eating at the same time.  I am not paying attention to what I am doing and did not chew well.  I may be exceptionally hungry and also not chew well enough before swallowing.  Either way it most always comes down to not chewing well enough.  I always thought that I was a quick learner before being banded but I have recently come to realize I am such a slow learner.  You would think that after this happened a time or two I would pay attention but no I seem to accomplish this on a regular basis lately.  
I am sure there are some people who will say it has never happened to them before and think I am crazy but I would counter with if you can eat anything you want and have never experienced this you just may need to get a fill.

Self Confidence

Self Confidence, what is it and do I really need it?  Well if I look it up in the dictionary this is what it tells me:   realistic confidence in one's own judgment, ability, power,etc  

So if self confidence is a realistic confidence in one's own judgement, ability, power then it would be nice to be self confident.  Am I self confident though?  At times I am, especially in the ability to do my job, to clean house, to be a fabulous grandmother, mother, wife etc.  Yes in those areas I am self confident.  Now when it comes to my eating habits self confidence goes  out the window.  I am eating healthy and I do pretty good sticking to the program most of the  time.  But I am far from confident about my eating habits, I know that it is much easier to revert back to the old habits than to stick with the new ones.  I know that it only takes me a bite or two of the foods that are trigger foods for me to fall right back into the old ways.  I know my weaknesses and I know what triggers them yet I so easily fall back into them.  There  is a sense of comfort when I go back there, at least for the moment, before guilt sets in. 

How do I gain self confidence in my eating habits?  Is it something I can create?  Is it something I won't be able to ever have?  I think eventually I will become self confident in my eating habits.  I think as time goes by and I continue to eat healthy that it will happen. I think that as I have more success at keeping my weight off  that I will eventually accept that  I have learned a new way of eating.  I think that daily I am building self confidence.  I just wish that I had it now!!

Accountability

I have been thinking a lot about accountability lately.  I am in a couple of accountability relationships at church and they are such a blessing to be a part of.  I do lack an accountability partner with my Weight Loss though.  It seems I have been too successful (in some peoples minds) and everyone thinks I have it made.  Truth is I still struggle with the same things I did before.  I still want to eat when I am upset, tired, angry, depressed, oh the list goes on and on.  Food still tries to be my comforting friend.  
I go to support group meetings every month and I have even spoken at the informational meetings my doctor has but the truth is there is no one to hold me accountable, no one who will say you are getting off track, no one who will tell me to Man Up and do what has to be done.  My family says what does a pound or two matter you still look great, but in reality I know that a pound or two does make a difference and I have to master this weight problem that for so long mastered me.  If I let a weight gain take hold and become a part of me again then I have started that slippery slide every weight loss patient knows all too well.  Sometimes I just want someone who will be honest with me and tell me if I am blowing it.  I know I have done great but I also know that at any time I could relapse and make all the wrong choices again.  
I guess for the present I will have to be my own accountability partner and tell myself to Man Up and do what has to be done.  I will tell myself that I blew it and I will get back on track.  I will not let food become my comforting friend again.  I am worth fighting for and I will win this War that rages.  I will be victorious in  the end.  This war is not over just because I have reached a normal BMI.  The battle may have been won but the war continues.  

Questions

Why is it so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose it?  Why can I gain 2 or 3 pounds in one day but work a week to lose a pound?   Do I really gain several pounds in one day?  Is it just water weight?  Have I really eaten enough in one day to actually gain that much weight?  Is this an accumulation of several days or weeks of bad decisions and wrong eating?  Does it really matter if my jeans still fit loosely?  Will anyone even notice?  Do I care if anyone notices?   What if it keeps happening and my worst fear in this journey happens and I become Fat again? Am I my own worst enemy?  Am I subconsciously sabotaging myself?  Am I afraid of being Skinny?  Am I afraid of being successful in this journey?  Why did I ever open myself up to all this scrutiny?  Did I really open myself up to scrutiny?  Does any rally care when I am struggling?   Do they care but are just too busy with their own problems and not have time?  Is this all really so important that I should spend so much time and effort on just maintaining my weight?


You Bet You It is Worth It!!  Yes there are people who care if I am struggling and yes they are busy, but they take time out of their busy schedules to be with me and to encourage me. Yes this can get expensive but so can doctor visits and medicine.  So many questions I need to ask myself and really sit down and answer them.  I am worth it and my family and friends deserve to have the Best that I am.  I may never know why I can gain several pounds in one day but take weeks to lose those same pounds but this life is a journey and I will do my best to enjoy the journey until I get to my final destination.  Now what is my final destination?  Just kidding I know where I am going when I die:)   

Emotional Eating

Yesterday was a fairly nice day and I felt like a success.  I feel like I was on track yesterday.  I consumed more calories at breakfast than normal but overall it was a low calorie day.  This day was needed after having the grand babies visit this weekend. I love them but staying with the program is so hard when they are here.  It seems the 2 year old is always hungry and grazing all day.  Of course grandma must graze with him.
I must say that I don't know how moms with young kids do this day after day.  I am convinced I would not do as well if I had to be in the house and dealing with food all day long.
What strength do stay at home moms have that I have not found yet?  Where do I fall short?  Am I really addicted to food just like a drug addict is addicted to their drugs?  
What is obvious is if I am addicted to food I don't want to admit it.  I will admit I have a problem with emotional eating.  If I am happy I want to eat to celebrate.  If I am angry  I calm down if I eat. If I am sad I always feel better when I eat my comfort foods.  Do these traits mean I am addicted to food?  I am not sure but I know I now recognize that I am an emotional eater and I am learning what my triggers are.  If I know what my triggers are then I can deal with them in a different way and not eat when I am not hungry.

A New Day

Yesterday was a horrible day:(  The grand kids were here and that is always great but I don't think I ate anything healthy the entire day.  I found myself grazing the entire day and I got in less than 32 ounces of fluid the entire day.  There was no tracking my food (I was too busy playing) and  found myself eating some very unhealthy chocolate coffee cake that I did not even like.  I could not believe it so when the grand kids left I threw it out.  Temptation Gone!! Now what was really going on?  What will I do about it next time?
I am not sure what was going on yesterday but I was my own worst enemy that is for sure.  I was cooking yesterday for the entire week and had all kinds of healthy and nutritious food available that I could have eaten the entire day even if I was grazing.  I think I just made a choice to eat unhealthy yesterday.  It may have even felt good at first but it quickly turned to guilt and then the old habits kicked in and I was out of control.  
What will I do next time to make sure this won't happen.  I would like to say that I have come up with a plan to not fall into the trap again.  Unfortunately my plan is just don't take the first bite.  Now how do I go about not taking the first bite?  Well DUH I don't even have to cook that chocolate coffee cake.  My excuse to see if it is any good to take to carry in dinners is gone.  It is not good and 3 other people confirmed it tasted less than good.  So I will not make this again and to be sure I am deleting the recipe from my folder.  Temptation gone (at least on this one).  Now the bigger question.  How do I plan on avoiding some other temptation?  Lots of Prayer.
I am looking forward to today and eating Healthy!!

Self Image

I have been thinking about self image a lot lately.  I have come to realize that when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror my perception depends on if I see my face or not. If I catch a glimpse of myself without seeing my face I tend to think wow who is that they look pretty good.  The problem is I almost instantly see my face and then my perception changes and I see myself totally different.  It seems my mind is having a hard time wrapping around what my body is doing.  
 I have been telling myself when this happens that if I am wearing the size I wear that I can't be as big as I think I am.  I am just wondering if I will ever really see myself in a positive way.  

Christmas

With Thanksgiving out of the way I was looking forward to Christmas and having most of the family home for the holiday.  Our family tradition has been to have pizza on Christmas Eve and watch It's A Wonderful Life.  We did that this year and I had a salad that I really enjoyed and the rest of the family had salad and pizza.  For Christmas we have always had an Italian buffet meal and this year we did the same.  
I had planned ahead this year and made almost everything in advance.  While cooking I made  what I liked most in a Bariatric version.  I made lasagna for the family and made my own with ingredients I could have minus the noodles.  I also made Cavatini but decided not to make any for myself because I really wanted to have the lasagna and Stromboli.  The Stromboli was made in a Bariatric version and I had it without the bread it is normally baked in.   
I enjoyed all of my favorite Italian dishes this past Christmas as well as the time with my family.  I am learning that I can still do all of the same things I have done for my family and stay on track.  The Holidays are not about food and I know that but the traditions have been in place a long time and I did not want to change that, but I really wanted to find a way to make this work for me and the family and believe I have done just that.  I am now looking forward to November and December this year as I have gained so much from so many people that I am confident now I can do this and no longer fear what may come.

Thanksgiving

I have always loved cooking for the holidays especially Thanksgiving. Since my husband worked for the airlines and this was their busiest time of the year I had to find a way to keep myself busy as we do not live near our family.  I like cooking so I naturally turned to cooking to keep myself busy and happy when he was working and I was home alone by myself or with small children.  Over the years my children came to really enjoy the traditions that revolved around food and as they grew and left the nest they would anticipate mom cooking all their favorites when they came home to celebrate the holidays.  In years past I would spend days cooking pies, making candy, baking cookies, and who could have a celebration without a homemade cheesecake.  
Now came the dilemma for me because I wanted to do all the same traditions my family had come to expect but I was also only a couple of months post op so what could I do for Thanksgiving.  I am not sure but I think the family came up with the solution for me since it was decided to go back home to St. Louis for Thanksgiving and now I would not be the one cooking.  
Thanksgiving day had it's own challenges as the family for the most part was very supportive and tried very hard to be a help.  It seemed everyone had an idea about how much I should be eating, some thought I ate too much and would gain weight, others thought I did not eat enough and was going to make myself sick and starve to death and then there was that home made cheesecake that someone thought they should make for me. 
How to handle all this and not offend anyone, could it even be done and not ruin the day for my dear husband?  You bet you because I have the best and most supportive husband anyone could have. He handled the family and all their good intentions like  a champ!! He would lovingly and gently let everyone know that we knew what I could and could not eat and that I was healthier than I had ever been and that if there was a problem we had all the medical care we could need only a phone call away.   The weekend turned out to be a great time with family and I learned that even though my family did not always understand they had my best interest at heart.
Oh yes I did eat a bite of the cheesecake once a day while we were there and it was so good and I still managed to lose 2 pounds that weekend.

First Monthly Support Group Meeting

I am six weeks out and have just been released from my weekly meetings and it happened that there was a support group meeting that very night.  I was so excited to see and hear how everyone that had been doing this for awhile was doing,  I really wanted to see all the success everyone was having and hear what was working for them.  Epic fail, so I had to make a choice right there on the spot, get depressed or learn from what I was hearing.  I decided to listen to what had been hindering the various people in the group and learn from it. I was determined not to make the same mistakes they had made.  To this day I think this is the best support group I attended.  Yes it started out negative and it frightened me and played on my fear of not being able to lose weight after being banded but I gleaned so much from that group like not snacking even on healthy food as this led to snacking on unhealthy food.  I learned that if a food was a problem before surgery it was still going to be a problem after surgery. That there were ways to cheat and to gain weight.  That not following the guidelines  that Dr. Sloan's team had set up was not an option and if I did not follow the plan I would most likely fail, so compliance with the guidelines was a must.   
Yes that support group meeting was the best I have attended.  Sometimes a negative can be a positive.  

First Fill

Four weeks post op and it is time for my first fill.  Needless to say I am in a panic, now this is not because I am a chicken but the week before 2 of the women from my post op classes had their first fill and they both had problems and the doctor had to be called in for one of them. The nerves were acting up like crazy, but I remembered I could handle anything they threw at me, so I had my husband take me and go in with me.  Like I said he  I can handle anything. I went through the class about the fill procedure and being the brave person that I am I volunteered to have the first one.  I was determined if anyone else had problems with their fill I did not want to know before I had my first fill.  So I hop up on the table and here comes the needle.  Not panicking yet and so the fluid is put in and I sit up and drink my water.  Wow that was easy!!  Why was I so nervous, who knows but now I go for adjustments as needed and it is no big deal.  

Post Op

Surgery went well and I was back home to recover.  I had heard of other people at the Weight Loss Center who were saying they were driving a day or two later but I was being a baby about this.  My port hurt every time I moved and I was convinced I had made the biggest mistake of my life having this done.  I managed to stay at home on the couch for over a week babying myself.  The next week I was scheduled to be back in group and I drug myself out of the house and headed out.  I was so glad that I went because I really needed the support that our group leader was giving.  I was also learning to live by the material that I had received to follow and was surprised at how little food I was needing.  It seemed only a bite or two and I was full.  When I went for my first weigh in I had lost more weight and I was starting to think maybe this would work but I also was taking a We Will See attitude.  I mean I had done this so many times before.  

To Band or Not To Band

One of the hardest decisions I have ever made is the decision to have a bariatric band.  I felt like a failure, I mean what was wrong with me, if I just had more self control I could get control of this weight problem.  I had done several diets including pills from my doctor, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Starving myself.  I was pretty good at losing the weight and then would gain it right back. I even managed to gain weight while following weight watchers.
I was scared to death that we would spend all this money for weight loss surgery and I would fail yet again.  If I spent all this money and failed what would my husband say?  Would he be bitter that we spent so much and then I still did not lose the weight I needed to lose?  When he found out what I was thinking he informed me that he had made more costly mistakes and if I failed at least we would have tried and not to worry about it.
I went to see Dr. Sloan at one of his informational meetings and became convinced that I could not do this and if I was going to have surgery I would have to decide which one I would have.  Now they wanted me to decide and all I wanted was for someone to make the decision for me.  I went home thinking there is no way I will ever be able to do this.  I put it to rest or so I thought.
Fast Forward about 8 months to August 2010.  I told my husband that I might be interested in having the Weight Loss Surgery and we talked and decided together that the Band would be best for me.  I called the clinic and was given a price and was told I needed to get a Psych evaluation before we proceeded.  Now I was scared, I don't know why but I was sure he would say I was crazy.  I paid for my surgery and the next day started the program.  I had heard all these horror stories about what you have to go through but I was tough and I could handle anything they threw at me.  None of the horror stories I had heard were true!!  The team was awesome and were so kind and helpful and No One judged me for not being able to get this weight off on my own.  Four weeks later I received my Realize Band!  I was Banded!!!  Now would this really work?