To Fill or Not To Fill is always the question when it is time for a fill. I am always in a state of turmoil when I have to make this decision. It is like I have this great tool that is at my disposal to use but I am always afraid to use it. Why do I struggle with it so much. Why don't I just call and get the fill when I think I need it? Why is it so hard every time?
I thought about this a lot this week because yesterday I went in for a fill. What I have realized is that each time I make the decision to have a fill I feel like a failure all over again. All the same feelings that I had to deal with just to have WLS come flooding back. I also am afraid that Deanna will tell me that I have maxed out on my band. I am afraid that they will tell me I don't need a fill and not do it. That I will be told if I would just follow the program I will do fine.
After talking to Deanna yesterday I realized that I am doing fine. That I have followed the program and they are pleased with my progress. After my fill I was able to talk to some patients who are waiting to get approved by insurance for WLS. I was able to answer their questions about my journey and encourage them to stick with it. Talking to them made me realize that I am alright. That I am not a failure and that I am doing well in my weight loss journey. Yes it is a journey and there are successes and failures but each time I fail I just start all over again. I have a made a lifetime commitment by having WLS and I am up for it. Yes I will probably struggle with all these same things the next time I need a fill but I am hoping that with time and even more success it will get easier and I will stop beating myself up.
Let the Journey Continue!!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Year-New Beginning
I managed to survive vacation and the holidays this year but it was a struggle and by the time 2012 began I had gained several pounds. I did fairly well on vacation but that was immediately followed by Christmas and all the cooking that goes along with it. I gained a couple of pounds on vacation and a couple over Christmas followed by a couple over New Years. I felt so out of control and I was in a panic, my worst fear seemed to be happening. I was just sure I would gain all the weight back that I had lost.
I decided it was time to Go Back To Basics. I took my WLS book out and went through it again. I went back and read the different levels and remembered that I had eaten accordingly and was satisfied. I decided to start again and see what happened. I decided that I would start at Stage 4 (the final stage) and follow it.
I am on my second week and it is working. The weight is coming back off and I am feeling pretty good about myself. I realize that I don't always make the best choices with my food but this a journey and I am learning as I go. I will not beat myself up anymore when I stumble in this journey. I will not make excuses for myself and will take ownership of my choices.
Yes it is a new year and a new beginning, a time to start fresh, a time to make good choices, a time to choose healthy living, a time to take care of myself, a time to be honest with myself and to move forward knowing I can do this.
I decided it was time to Go Back To Basics. I took my WLS book out and went through it again. I went back and read the different levels and remembered that I had eaten accordingly and was satisfied. I decided to start again and see what happened. I decided that I would start at Stage 4 (the final stage) and follow it.
I am on my second week and it is working. The weight is coming back off and I am feeling pretty good about myself. I realize that I don't always make the best choices with my food but this a journey and I am learning as I go. I will not beat myself up anymore when I stumble in this journey. I will not make excuses for myself and will take ownership of my choices.
Yes it is a new year and a new beginning, a time to start fresh, a time to make good choices, a time to choose healthy living, a time to take care of myself, a time to be honest with myself and to move forward knowing I can do this.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Vacation
We just got back from vacation in Hawaii and my what a vacation it was. So many things were so different from when we went five years ago. I was so different from five years ago. I was able to do things that I never would have been able to do the last time we were there.
To start I walked non stop this time. I not only walked but I walked at a fast pace and never once had to stop and rest or catch my breath. This time I was about 85 pounds lighter than I was in 2006 so there were so many doors opened for me to do fun things.
First thing that was different was I actually fit in the airplane seat and had room to spare. It felt so good not to be hitting the arm rest and having room to move.
I rode a bicycle down a volcano from about 10,000 feet and never once got tired even on he uphill part. I actually only had to worry about being tall enough and not the maximum weight limit. I went snorkeling, and I was able to sky dive for the first time.
None of these things would have been possible before WLS because I would have been over the weight limit.
We went on a cruise this time and when we boarded the ship they told us that the average person gained 7-10 pounds. My first thought was this person is not going to gain 7-10 pounds. I was determined to eat healthy while on this ship! Guess what I was in for a shock. All this food it was wonderful, it tasted excellent but the problem was even though the food tasted great most of it was not healthy. It was loaded with sauces, sugar, fats. This was going to be more difficult than I had thought. Well I managed to get off that ship after a week and only gained 2 pounds. Now normally a two pound weight gain would throw me into a panic but under the circumstances I was pleased that I did as well as I did. I did make the best selections I could and I was OK with myself.
I was however so glad to get back home and have the opportunity to be able to eat healthy again.
To start I walked non stop this time. I not only walked but I walked at a fast pace and never once had to stop and rest or catch my breath. This time I was about 85 pounds lighter than I was in 2006 so there were so many doors opened for me to do fun things.
First thing that was different was I actually fit in the airplane seat and had room to spare. It felt so good not to be hitting the arm rest and having room to move.
I rode a bicycle down a volcano from about 10,000 feet and never once got tired even on he uphill part. I actually only had to worry about being tall enough and not the maximum weight limit. I went snorkeling, and I was able to sky dive for the first time.
None of these things would have been possible before WLS because I would have been over the weight limit.
We went on a cruise this time and when we boarded the ship they told us that the average person gained 7-10 pounds. My first thought was this person is not going to gain 7-10 pounds. I was determined to eat healthy while on this ship! Guess what I was in for a shock. All this food it was wonderful, it tasted excellent but the problem was even though the food tasted great most of it was not healthy. It was loaded with sauces, sugar, fats. This was going to be more difficult than I had thought. Well I managed to get off that ship after a week and only gained 2 pounds. Now normally a two pound weight gain would throw me into a panic but under the circumstances I was pleased that I did as well as I did. I did make the best selections I could and I was OK with myself.
I was however so glad to get back home and have the opportunity to be able to eat healthy again.
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