Fill Time

To Fill or Not To Fill is always the question when it is time for a fill.  I am always in a state of turmoil when I have to make this decision.  It is like I have this great tool that is at my disposal to use but I am always afraid to use it.  Why do I struggle with it so much.  Why don't I just call and get the fill when I think I need it?  Why is it so hard every time?
I thought about this a lot this week because yesterday I went in for a fill. What I have realized is that each time I make the decision to have a fill I feel like a failure all over again.  All the same feelings that I had to deal with just to have WLS come flooding back.  I also am afraid that Deanna will tell me that I have maxed out on my band.  I am afraid that they will tell me I don't need a fill and not do it.  That I will be told if I would just follow the program I will do fine.
After talking to Deanna yesterday I realized that I am doing fine.  That I have followed the program and they are pleased with my progress. After my fill I was able to talk to some patients who are waiting to get approved by insurance for WLS.  I was able to answer their questions about my journey and encourage them to stick with it.  Talking to them made me realize that I am alright.  That I am not a failure and that I am doing well in my weight loss journey.  Yes it is a journey and there are successes and failures but each time I fail I just start all over again.  I have a made a lifetime commitment by having WLS and I am up for it.  Yes I will probably struggle with all these same things the next time I need a fill but I am hoping that with time and even more success it will get easier and I will stop beating myself up.
Let the Journey Continue!!