I went for my two year post op for WLS today. It was such an encouraging time to be with the nurses that have helped me for the last couple of years. They were so supportive and friendly. As we talked about what was happening and finding out what was working and what I needed to tweak it dawned on me that these people are like family to me. The relationship I have with them is more than them just doing their job. They really do want to see me succeed and they are willing to help me if they can.
Yes the staff are willing to help me succeed but there is only so much that They can do. You see they can help me to understand what I need to be doing and how it will benefit me. They can give me advice on how I should be eating and what exercises I should be doing and all of the stuff I know that I should be doing. The reality is that even though they are all so helpful this journey is my journey and no one can walk it for me. I must walk this journey on my own. You may be able to walk with me for awhile but in the end I must stay on the path that is before me without getting off of it. If I venture off of the path it can be a scary dark place to be. You see the support team is along the path not out in the forest.
I have a tool to help me in this journey and that is all it is. It is not a magic cure all that will fix my weight and make me stop eating. No this tool cannot make me eat properly. This tool can't even make do what I know I should be doing. No this is a tool and it can do nothing on it's own. As with any tool the person using it must know the proper way to use it. If I have a screw driver I cannot use it as a hammer (OK so I have tried and it worked for a short time but it eventually was damaged). The point is I must use this tool in the way it was meant to be used. If I leave my tool on the shelf it will do me no good. If I do not use my tool as it was intended to be used it will not do me any good in the long run. It may benefit me in the short term but I will damage it and in the long run it will be useless or need repaired. So what will I be doing with my tool for the next year? I will use it as it is intended to be used. I will recognize that it is only a tool and without me it is useless. I will take care of my tool and give it the respect it deserves. Yes I will take care of my tool but more than that I will use my tool. I will work hard on my journey and use the tool that has been given tome. I will enjoy the company and support I come across on this path but I will remember that I am the only one who can walk this journey.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Let The Fireworks Begin!
I took a trip to Hemet California to watch my niece graduate from Tahquitz High School. The graduation was fun and very festive. Not at all like the 6 I have been through with my own children. I noticed that the kids could choose their seats and sit by their friends instead of sitting alphabetically. Each graduate gave a card to the reader with their name spelled phonetically on it.
This graduation ceremony was a time to celebrate the students achievements and it was so festive with fireworks at the end. The spectators and graduates alike were encouraged to clap and hoot and holler as the graduates received their diploma's. Some of the students danced their way to the platform and back to their seats again. No one minded that each one of the graduates celebrated in their own way and as a whole they made up the entire graduating class.
I wonder how many times in our weight loss journeys we try to make everyone line up alphabetically so to speak so that everything goes according to plan. Seriously would this journey not be so much more fun if we could just be with our friends and celebrate it the way that fits our friends and our own personalities.
I think that I came away from that graduation ceremony with a determination to stop trying to fit everyone into the preconceived ceremony that has been the past and to start a new tradition. A tradition of celebrating each and every achievement of this journey and to encourage everyone I come in contact with along the way to do the same thing.
This journey is not about the small failures along the way but it is about the graduation from our younger uneducated self to the educated graduate who is about to embark on the next journey. Yes I have graduated from one program and have begun another. I will celebrate my success in the way that is most my style and encourage others to do the same.
Go celebrate your success and let the fireworks begin!!
This graduation ceremony was a time to celebrate the students achievements and it was so festive with fireworks at the end. The spectators and graduates alike were encouraged to clap and hoot and holler as the graduates received their diploma's. Some of the students danced their way to the platform and back to their seats again. No one minded that each one of the graduates celebrated in their own way and as a whole they made up the entire graduating class.
I wonder how many times in our weight loss journeys we try to make everyone line up alphabetically so to speak so that everything goes according to plan. Seriously would this journey not be so much more fun if we could just be with our friends and celebrate it the way that fits our friends and our own personalities.
I think that I came away from that graduation ceremony with a determination to stop trying to fit everyone into the preconceived ceremony that has been the past and to start a new tradition. A tradition of celebrating each and every achievement of this journey and to encourage everyone I come in contact with along the way to do the same thing.
This journey is not about the small failures along the way but it is about the graduation from our younger uneducated self to the educated graduate who is about to embark on the next journey. Yes I have graduated from one program and have begun another. I will celebrate my success in the way that is most my style and encourage others to do the same.
Go celebrate your success and let the fireworks begin!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sky Diving!!
As I look back tonight over the past year or so I can't help but think of how far I have come. I have changed so much since September 14, 2010. Yes I have lost over 80 pounds since my surgery but this is so much more than losing weight. This is about the life that I now have. This is about being able to do so much more. This is about being healthy. This is about being able to help other people to achieve what I have been so blessed to achieve.
I used to think that everything I can do now was for everyone else but me. I used to think that I was just destined to be FAT. Yes I was fat and there really is not way to get around it. To call me obese or even morbidly obese just does not do it justice. I know saying I was FAT is not politically correct but this is my life I am talking about and I don't have to be politically correct about myself.
This past December I did something I would have never thought I would do even if I had always been at a healthy weight. You see I have always played it safe, stay out of the way, don't bring attention to myself, just hide out and hopefully no one will notice me.
Well I am learning that I don't have to worry about hiding out and that it is alright and even good for me to get out of my comfort zone. It is alright to try and it is also alright to fail. You see I can't fail if I don't try. I would rather try and fail now than play it safe and not try. So this past December when I was on vacation I suggested we try something and do it. Something that would take me so far out of my comfort zone, that would take everything with in me to complete it. I went sky diving for the first time. To my surprise I loved it. It was so much fun and I dealt with one of my fears. Yes I not only suggested that we sky dive but I actually enjoyed it.
This is not about skydiving so much as it is about a new outlook on life. You see I have finally realized that I can't fail if I don't try. I will keep trying and if I fail I will just try harder. Safety is no longer an option. I must push forward and I must try. I can no longer just stay in my comfort zone. This last year and half have impacted not only my weight loss but my entire life. There has been a shift in my spirit as well. I am no longer sitting on the side lines watching every one else live life to its fullest, I am now living life to its fullest too. It is a good place to be and I can't wait to see what the future hold for me.
I used to think that everything I can do now was for everyone else but me. I used to think that I was just destined to be FAT. Yes I was fat and there really is not way to get around it. To call me obese or even morbidly obese just does not do it justice. I know saying I was FAT is not politically correct but this is my life I am talking about and I don't have to be politically correct about myself.
This past December I did something I would have never thought I would do even if I had always been at a healthy weight. You see I have always played it safe, stay out of the way, don't bring attention to myself, just hide out and hopefully no one will notice me.
Well I am learning that I don't have to worry about hiding out and that it is alright and even good for me to get out of my comfort zone. It is alright to try and it is also alright to fail. You see I can't fail if I don't try. I would rather try and fail now than play it safe and not try. So this past December when I was on vacation I suggested we try something and do it. Something that would take me so far out of my comfort zone, that would take everything with in me to complete it. I went sky diving for the first time. To my surprise I loved it. It was so much fun and I dealt with one of my fears. Yes I not only suggested that we sky dive but I actually enjoyed it.
This is not about skydiving so much as it is about a new outlook on life. You see I have finally realized that I can't fail if I don't try. I will keep trying and if I fail I will just try harder. Safety is no longer an option. I must push forward and I must try. I can no longer just stay in my comfort zone. This last year and half have impacted not only my weight loss but my entire life. There has been a shift in my spirit as well. I am no longer sitting on the side lines watching every one else live life to its fullest, I am now living life to its fullest too. It is a good place to be and I can't wait to see what the future hold for me.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Fill Time
To Fill or Not To Fill is always the question when it is time for a fill. I am always in a state of turmoil when I have to make this decision. It is like I have this great tool that is at my disposal to use but I am always afraid to use it. Why do I struggle with it so much. Why don't I just call and get the fill when I think I need it? Why is it so hard every time?
I thought about this a lot this week because yesterday I went in for a fill. What I have realized is that each time I make the decision to have a fill I feel like a failure all over again. All the same feelings that I had to deal with just to have WLS come flooding back. I also am afraid that Deanna will tell me that I have maxed out on my band. I am afraid that they will tell me I don't need a fill and not do it. That I will be told if I would just follow the program I will do fine.
After talking to Deanna yesterday I realized that I am doing fine. That I have followed the program and they are pleased with my progress. After my fill I was able to talk to some patients who are waiting to get approved by insurance for WLS. I was able to answer their questions about my journey and encourage them to stick with it. Talking to them made me realize that I am alright. That I am not a failure and that I am doing well in my weight loss journey. Yes it is a journey and there are successes and failures but each time I fail I just start all over again. I have a made a lifetime commitment by having WLS and I am up for it. Yes I will probably struggle with all these same things the next time I need a fill but I am hoping that with time and even more success it will get easier and I will stop beating myself up.
Let the Journey Continue!!
I thought about this a lot this week because yesterday I went in for a fill. What I have realized is that each time I make the decision to have a fill I feel like a failure all over again. All the same feelings that I had to deal with just to have WLS come flooding back. I also am afraid that Deanna will tell me that I have maxed out on my band. I am afraid that they will tell me I don't need a fill and not do it. That I will be told if I would just follow the program I will do fine.
After talking to Deanna yesterday I realized that I am doing fine. That I have followed the program and they are pleased with my progress. After my fill I was able to talk to some patients who are waiting to get approved by insurance for WLS. I was able to answer their questions about my journey and encourage them to stick with it. Talking to them made me realize that I am alright. That I am not a failure and that I am doing well in my weight loss journey. Yes it is a journey and there are successes and failures but each time I fail I just start all over again. I have a made a lifetime commitment by having WLS and I am up for it. Yes I will probably struggle with all these same things the next time I need a fill but I am hoping that with time and even more success it will get easier and I will stop beating myself up.
Let the Journey Continue!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Year-New Beginning
I managed to survive vacation and the holidays this year but it was a struggle and by the time 2012 began I had gained several pounds. I did fairly well on vacation but that was immediately followed by Christmas and all the cooking that goes along with it. I gained a couple of pounds on vacation and a couple over Christmas followed by a couple over New Years. I felt so out of control and I was in a panic, my worst fear seemed to be happening. I was just sure I would gain all the weight back that I had lost.
I decided it was time to Go Back To Basics. I took my WLS book out and went through it again. I went back and read the different levels and remembered that I had eaten accordingly and was satisfied. I decided to start again and see what happened. I decided that I would start at Stage 4 (the final stage) and follow it.
I am on my second week and it is working. The weight is coming back off and I am feeling pretty good about myself. I realize that I don't always make the best choices with my food but this a journey and I am learning as I go. I will not beat myself up anymore when I stumble in this journey. I will not make excuses for myself and will take ownership of my choices.
Yes it is a new year and a new beginning, a time to start fresh, a time to make good choices, a time to choose healthy living, a time to take care of myself, a time to be honest with myself and to move forward knowing I can do this.
I decided it was time to Go Back To Basics. I took my WLS book out and went through it again. I went back and read the different levels and remembered that I had eaten accordingly and was satisfied. I decided to start again and see what happened. I decided that I would start at Stage 4 (the final stage) and follow it.
I am on my second week and it is working. The weight is coming back off and I am feeling pretty good about myself. I realize that I don't always make the best choices with my food but this a journey and I am learning as I go. I will not beat myself up anymore when I stumble in this journey. I will not make excuses for myself and will take ownership of my choices.
Yes it is a new year and a new beginning, a time to start fresh, a time to make good choices, a time to choose healthy living, a time to take care of myself, a time to be honest with myself and to move forward knowing I can do this.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Vacation
We just got back from vacation in Hawaii and my what a vacation it was. So many things were so different from when we went five years ago. I was so different from five years ago. I was able to do things that I never would have been able to do the last time we were there.
To start I walked non stop this time. I not only walked but I walked at a fast pace and never once had to stop and rest or catch my breath. This time I was about 85 pounds lighter than I was in 2006 so there were so many doors opened for me to do fun things.
First thing that was different was I actually fit in the airplane seat and had room to spare. It felt so good not to be hitting the arm rest and having room to move.
I rode a bicycle down a volcano from about 10,000 feet and never once got tired even on he uphill part. I actually only had to worry about being tall enough and not the maximum weight limit. I went snorkeling, and I was able to sky dive for the first time.
None of these things would have been possible before WLS because I would have been over the weight limit.
We went on a cruise this time and when we boarded the ship they told us that the average person gained 7-10 pounds. My first thought was this person is not going to gain 7-10 pounds. I was determined to eat healthy while on this ship! Guess what I was in for a shock. All this food it was wonderful, it tasted excellent but the problem was even though the food tasted great most of it was not healthy. It was loaded with sauces, sugar, fats. This was going to be more difficult than I had thought. Well I managed to get off that ship after a week and only gained 2 pounds. Now normally a two pound weight gain would throw me into a panic but under the circumstances I was pleased that I did as well as I did. I did make the best selections I could and I was OK with myself.
I was however so glad to get back home and have the opportunity to be able to eat healthy again.
To start I walked non stop this time. I not only walked but I walked at a fast pace and never once had to stop and rest or catch my breath. This time I was about 85 pounds lighter than I was in 2006 so there were so many doors opened for me to do fun things.
First thing that was different was I actually fit in the airplane seat and had room to spare. It felt so good not to be hitting the arm rest and having room to move.
I rode a bicycle down a volcano from about 10,000 feet and never once got tired even on he uphill part. I actually only had to worry about being tall enough and not the maximum weight limit. I went snorkeling, and I was able to sky dive for the first time.
None of these things would have been possible before WLS because I would have been over the weight limit.
We went on a cruise this time and when we boarded the ship they told us that the average person gained 7-10 pounds. My first thought was this person is not going to gain 7-10 pounds. I was determined to eat healthy while on this ship! Guess what I was in for a shock. All this food it was wonderful, it tasted excellent but the problem was even though the food tasted great most of it was not healthy. It was loaded with sauces, sugar, fats. This was going to be more difficult than I had thought. Well I managed to get off that ship after a week and only gained 2 pounds. Now normally a two pound weight gain would throw me into a panic but under the circumstances I was pleased that I did as well as I did. I did make the best selections I could and I was OK with myself.
I was however so glad to get back home and have the opportunity to be able to eat healthy again.
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